Sweet Talk

Mr. Robot-o

From our You Tube Correspondent:

High school break dancer robot competition.  Never mind the first two kids-it's the unassuming shy kid at the end..... and his highschool days were forever different from that day on.

You Say it's Your Birthday....

Well It's My Birthday Too....

So I woke up on my birthday to this picture staring at me from my crackberry:

           I have the pleasure of knowing the charged person in this picture, and I sincerely hope  he takes some time after his upcoming run of Holiday shows to go off with his beautiful family for some much needed rest.  The last thing we need to report is another rock and roll casualty. 

Other Birthday wishes:

Penn follows Teller and goes mute.  I mean is <i>Identity</i> the single worst show on the neglectomatic? I can hear the pitch now, "Okay, we have the most annoying magician this side of Doug Henning host a show were we further entrench stereotypes of every walk of life and pay for it with commercial breaks every thirty-five seconds.  The best part is we can land some plumb cameos like.... err... Eve Plumb, you know Jan Brady from the Brady Bunch.  The best part is they can invite up to three annoying friends or family members to stand stage left and yell asinine advice such as 'Dude, Dude, Dude, no way dude' (verbatim) and then have all the "mystery" identities reveal themselves with pithy one liners.... the MLB Umpire can say, 'you are SAFE!' when correctly identified."   This is a play by play of what I had to endure while I waited for the ice to melt perfectly into in my two fingers of Scotch.  Of course the VP of Common Sense was taking a powder when the wunderkid from the mail room of Dumbtown green lit this fiasco. To break my pencil underlying this point, "you are SAFE!' (yes, complete with hand motion) occured just after the contestant, a Private Eye in "real life", hemmed and hawed, literally, for a good  minute staring at 6 people, two of whom are men, and only one of which is a hefty 50 year old male.  The P.I. is about to pick the obvious Hollywood Stuntman as the MLB Ump because, "he just looks so athletic."  Luckily Magnum's "bestest guy friend in the whole wide world"  hollas from the sidelines.... "no way, no way it's the fat guy with the weird face, it's gotta be him because an ump's gotta get up in everyone's face and HOLLA y'all."  APPLAUSE

The "B.G.F.I.T.W.W.W."  then turns to chest bump the other clueless special helping friend, who is still miffed because she, yes she, picked Jan Brady as the "Academy Award Winner" on the previous pick.  I know what you are thinking....  it's so bad, it's good? Unfortunately this just is not the case.  Don't get me wrong, I like <i>The O.C.</i> as much as the next malcontent (that Sandy Cohen is such a stand-up guy)  but <i>Identity</i> is no Mischa Barton. 

Second Birthday Wish; Someone would let me make up a few awards for this year's <a href="http://www.plugawards.com/" title="Plug Awards">Plug Awards</a> such as:

Best Salve for making it through <i>Blood Diamond</i>:  Sierra Leone's Refugee All-Stars

Best Mash-Up of Great Songs from Over-exposed Hype Machines: "Damn Girl" J-Timba-lake (you know it's only a matter of time) feat.  Will. I. Am / "Suga Mama" Beyonce'

Best Better than Corinne Bailey Rae with the same singing voice: "Stronger than Me" Amy Winehouse

Best Song Desperately waiting for Ryan Adams to discover and cover: "Sweet City Woman" Stampeders

Best Song to drink large amounts of cough syrup and mow your lawn to:  "Oh Centra!" Javelin ( <a href="http://www.manyindustries.com/" title="Go Get This Song">Go Get This Song</a> ) In fact if you write the best pithy remark about my highly opinionated babble in the comment section at the end of this post OR you are the first person to answer the lyrical question, "what do the fight for in Cranston?" (answer in the song) , I will personally send you a limited edition 45 of the single.  Seriously send your address to jay@pastemagazine.com 

One last Birthday Wish:  For my new pilot "Reenactor Factor", a show providing reenactments of some of the best reenactments ever reenacted, to be picked up by FX and shown right after <i>It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia</i>.  This would be better than the feliz compleanos spanking I'm going to get from my Aunt with the fuzzy upper lip.

Glo-Ho

If you have ever been to Massachusetts's famed North Shore, from which I so lovingly hail, I believe you will get a kick out of our local police blotter.  This is the Gloucester we all know and love. (Editor's note:  Full marks go to Mr. Physics for sending this one in)

From the Gloucester Daily Times Police Log, mid November, 2006

Police responded to the Gloucester Motor Inn yesterday at 12:05 a.m. 
to calm a disturbance coming from the honeymoon suite.  They found a 
married couple and another woman, all drunk, in the room.  The three 
would not tell police what the problem was but agreed to separate.   
The women left in separate cabs, and the man stayed because he said 
he payed for the room. (all punctuation, spelling , etc. verbatim)